


And You're Proud That You're a Self Made Man

by orphan_account



Category: Arashi (Band), Johnny's Entertainment, Kanjani8 (Band)
Genre: M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-03
Updated: 2013-05-03
Packaged: 2017-12-09 19:40:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,338
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/777269
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He wasn't even meant to be in Osaka.</p>
            </blockquote>





	And You're Proud That You're a Self Made Man

**Author's Note:**

> For my bb cutselvage.

He wasn't even meant to be in Osaka.

There was a scheduling problem - or a manger had forgotten something - leading to Sho and the rest of the car having the pleasure of hearing the poor guy chewed out by The Dragon Lady after she'd demanded to be put on speaker. It was embarrassing, maybe a little boring, and Sho had reached into his bag to find his phone. Which, annoyingly, wasn't there. 

"Hey - uh, I'll be back."

Which made him run back into Johnny's Kansai branch, his manager's "oi!" hitting him in the back.

Which made him run smack bang into Yasuda Shota, who looked four days shy of sleep and probably like a shorter mirror image of himself - albeit one with a pair of Ugg boots on his feet and a strange cluster of clothes that no doubt made them look like the weirdest pair imaginable. 

"Sakurai-kun! Sorry, I…" he trailed off, the apology fading into a blasting smile that would have been charming if Sho wasn't so annoyed at himself.

 _That's what it always is, isn't it? Annoyed at yourself. Too late to crack a joke, too short to make Rolling Coin Tower work perfectly, too imperfect to be perfect -_

"Yasuda-kun. Hi." He pushed past, bowing at the receptionist. "I…"

"Lost your phone?" Yasu held Sho's phone up, palming it with his own - Yasu's, of course, in a phone case you could probably see from the moon constrasting against Sho's plain black - and there's that smile again, like a thousand volts of electricity and Sho finds he can't look away. Yasu's not attractive in that way that, say, Nishikido is. He's short, with thick lips and a cheesy smile, but Sho finds that it's always the same when they're together. Like he's a magnet and Sho's a sharp piece of metal, silence often sitting between them in the rare times they're in the same room because really, like the tartan-pink spot-Ugg ensemble Yasu's sporting, they were everything different and nothing alike.

Except there's something about Yasu - something that makes Sho's neck prickle a little for reasons he's not sure. Something that makes Sho drawn to him like the proverbal moth and flame, watching him when he's supposed to be MCing or when they're both pretending to be mannequins, turning away sharply when Yasu inevitably catches his gaze. Rationalizing and compartmentalising, Sho tries to tell himself it's because they're completely different - more "where did he get those ridiculous clothes?" than anything else, and that seems to work as a good enough excuse for Sho's brain until they see each other again. 

"Sho-san!" His manager sticks his head into the foyer, waving at Sho and bowing slightly when he notices Yasu. "We're here until morning, so back to the hotel. I'm rearranging your schedule now, okay? We're not going to be put out too badly."

Sho nods, and flicks his eyes back to Yasu who, as far as he can tell, hasn't stopped staring at him. "Uh, excuse me, Yasuda-kun. Thank you for my phone."

The silence hangs a little. From the way he's standing, heavier on one leg and his arms crossed, Yasu almost seems to be waiting for something. Like there's a different reason as to why they're ended up in the same place, and, instead of walking away, Sho's eyes trail down to Yasu's lips that are now being bitten in an obvious attempt not to laugh. _Maybe we're more similar than we think_ , and the thought spurs him to reach for his phone. 

Yasu pulls it back before Sho has a chance to take it, his cheeky smile replaced by one so far removed that Sho finds his throat is suddently dry. "You owe me a drink, for finding this," Yasu smirks, and he abruptly throws the phone to Sho. "I took the liberty of extracting your number and putting mine in there. I'll call you in an hour."

 

\---

 

People talk, and Sho can't help but hear. He's with Johnny's staff almost twenty-four-seven; his manager and assistant the king and queen of J&A gossip that they exchange in hushed whispers when they think Sho's not listening. They talk about Kanjani8 a lot, because despite the difference in debut dates, the two bands practically grew up together. This seems to give Sho's manager and assistant a free pass to aimlessly chat over lukewarm bentos about how one-two-three-all are probably gay or banging some starlet; how they're given a long leash and how it's only because they're not exactly good looking - "homely" is the word his assistant uses a lot - that they can run around Osaka getting drunk and feasting on whatever they want without Johnny cracking the whip.

Arashi talks about Eito's freedom, too. Except when they talk about it, it's layered with something that can only be read as jealously, a raw wistfulness that seems to make them feel like there's a noose tight around their necks; so they stop talking about it before it gets further than trying to guess how many broads Nishikido's slept with this year or who exactly is banging who among the ranks. 

Yasu's sexuality isn't a secret because they spent so much time together when they were younger and, Sho and the others guess, he doesn't think it needs to be. He doesn't give it a label when Aiba drunkenly asks him after the AnShi taping, and answers frankly when asked if he's slept with his bandmates. "Of course," and he sculls the rest of his beer, his eyes flicking between Sho and Jun in a way that made them both obviously uncomfortable. "When you've been together for long..."

He's kissing Subaru before any of them know it - Subaru included - their hands in each other's hair, down to shoulders, necks, shirts; the rest of Kanjani8 bar Ryo leading a catcalling and whooping that almost drowns out the thumping bass of the club. They break apart, panting, Sho's mouth dry and he catches Jun's eye before they drop straight back to the table.

Yasu lets go of a laughing Subaru, waving to the bartender for another round before turning back to Aiba. "See? It's only natural."

 _It's only natural_ , and Jun excuses himself, taking Sho's sense of self with him.

 _It's only natural_ , and Sho wonders when he became so damn scared.

 

\---

 

_He wasn't even meant to be in Osaka._

Yasu's lead him to an anonymous hole-in-the-wall done up in Americana, a jukebox stuffed with records. He's changed clothes, into a fitted yellow leather jacket, a plain white t-shirt, tight jeans and a pair of Doc Martens, almost like he wants Sho to feel more comfortable. His hair is slightly tousled, a touch of kohl around the eyes, and Sho still can't help but stare. 

"It's okay," Yasu smiles at him, using his index finger to draw a circle in the air around his face. "You can stare all you want." He's off his stool, laughing before Sho answers, plugging a hundred yen coin into the jukebox, and 'Stuck in the Middle With You' fills the bar.

 _I don't know why I came here tonight_ , Yasu's singing, eyes closed, his hands clutching the sides of the jukebox as he sways with the music. Sho waves to the bartender for two whiskeys, turning back to watch Yasu hips rolling in time with the tune, a back-and-forth that's half in the dingy shadows, making the whole scene almost surreal. Nino's said it before - Yasu's dynamic, almost ferocious when on stage; there's a cocksure musician bursting out of a cute-ass Johnny's ray of sunshine, and it's hypnotic. Subaru's the same; Nishikido, too, when he allows it, and it makes Sho feel excited and confused all at the same time. Hell, it even turns him on - but then the whiskey is dropped in front of him, and he switches that side of himself off. _You're good at that, aren't you?_

Until he feels the hands snake up his sides from behind, Yasu's chin on his shoulder, and he stiffens. In more ways than one, so he forces out a laugh and moves to disconnect Yasu before taking the whiskey in one gulp. Sho doesn't look as Yasu sits down - for a million reasons, starting with the fact he almost can't bare the feeling of Yasu's eyes on him, but mostly because his gut tells him that there's something here that wasn't coincidental at all.

"A hundred years ago," Yasu's voice comes at him, cracking open the silence between them after Stealers Wheel's three minutes end, and Sho feels him shift on his chair. "There were a bunch of us who started out together. You know the story. We were close, like brothers or at the very least, close-close- _close_ friends." 

He pauses, waiting for a response, and Sho clears his thoat. "Right."

"Right. I remember bits and pieces, more pieces than bits. But I remember two guys who were so close it made us all jealous. One of them seemed to worship the ground the other walked on, and for those of us who maybe didn't know who we were yet, it gave us hope that maybe we could be who we were meant to be in this faceless machine."

The bartender placed another whiskey in front of both of them, and Sho can see Yasu twisting the glass in his hands out of the corner of his eye. "These two guys debuted together, two kids amongst five, and the whole world could see how much they loved each other. Best friends, boyfriends, bandmates, whatever - it was cool, organic almost, and those of us left in the dorms, those of us who weren't the most cookie cutter kind of loved it. We respected it, and we noticed it when it seemed to change. We didn't know why, or what we'd seen before was just our imaginations - but something was different, and we mourned it." 

Sho turns, slightly, his knees knocking with Yasu's, and neither of them move. He knows the story he's being told, because he lived it. He's _living_ it, and his cheeks are on fire as he drinks the whiskey again in one violent gulp.

"Then eight of us got our chance. We fought, tooth and nail. We changed, we became aggressive and direct and honest. We were hungry in the beginning - literally and figuratively. We got tattoos, we told choreographers to fuck themselves, we made our fanbase our family, we wore skirts and nail polish, we talked about sex and drinking and we saw one of our own wasn't happy split in half, so we pushed until he was with us one hundred percent of the time." He's half smiling, but Sho can see the sadness there, too. "But we began to lose. First, we lost a whole person. Then tattoos. The gag was shoved in our mouths, while we were still told to 'be ourselves'. There's still seven of us, but one works so hard I can't sleep sometimes worrying about him. We were given a movie, a whole year as our anniversary, but really, we still aren't sure what we were meant to be celebrating, other than our amazing fans."

"You were celebrating your hard work," Sho says, honestly, because it's what he always thinks of first, and Yasu laughs. 

"We've become like those five guys we admired in the beginning, and it make us sad. But it's in our nature - we're fighting back, and we're hoping that maybe it's our turn to give those five guys the fire to fight back, too. I love Eito as much as my own family. And I love you five, because you gave us the strength and the hunger to make these eight years work, all by being ourselves." He's almost out of breath, but Yasu turns into Sho, their legs almost linking in a jumble. "Do you love Jun?"

Sho's cold, suddenly, violently. The chill starts at his hair and goes down to his toes, and he grabs Yasu by the bright yellow collar and kisses him in a show of ugly honesty that makes him almost throw up. 

They break apart, and Yasu grins, throwing money onto the bar as he stands up.

"You're a stupid motherfucker," and Sho follows him out, nodding.

 

\---

 

They don't say much when they're back at Yasu's hardly-used-anymore Osaka apartment, except Yasu keeps telling him to relax. His hands down Sho's pants, _relax_. His tongue pushing through, _relax_. Sho's shirt being ripped off, his back hitting the bed, _relax_. So he does, and he kisses Yasu back with a hunger that seemed to be pushing up from somewhere long ago. 

The same hunger that took him whole in the beginning - Yasu's shimmying his own pants off while kissing Sho's neck with nips of teeth - the hunger that Sho didn't feel anymore, or since he and Jun had stopped touching. Touching properly, not half-awkward photoshoot touching or 'Troublemaker' openings or for the cover of _Weekly the Television_ , and he actually stops breathing as Yasu makes quick work of his underwear, running his nose along Sho's chin while his hands begin stroking Sho's dick with a technique that could only be called "practiced".

"Stop." It chokes out before Sho even knows it has, and Yasu does. Immediately, like he's expecting it, and Sho flicks his eyes to the ceiling to distract his body from the disappointment of his brain shutting down Yasu's touch. "How?" He swallows, nervously. "Did you plan this?"

Yasu laughs, and sits up, seemingly unpeturbed that he's a) naked and b) was jerking Sho off only a minute ago. "Give me a break, I'm not that good." He throws a blanket at Sho, grabbing a robe from the floor and wrapping it around himself before scooting back to Sho's side. "I just know a good opportunity when I see one - especially when I've been waiting a damn long time for one - so I took it. And having the NewsZERO logo as your phone lockscreen didn't make it hard to work out who's phone I'd found on the floor of the men's bathroom."

Sho pulls the blanket around himself, before finally meeting Yasu's eyes. Yasu's arms are crossed, and he's watching Sho intently, kind of like a science experiment - but with more honesty and sincerity than Sho's seen in months. _Years_ even, and he pulls himself up to lean against the headboard, the weirdness of the situation dissipating as he realises that somehow, someway, he trusts Yasu intrinsically. He's confused, a little (although that's probably more his half-hard dick talking), but there's a strange clarity that's almost startling. "This was…what, then?"

"I'm attracted to you. Sure. I'll add tonight to my spank bank, but - " Yasu shrugs, falling against Sho's shoulder. "I'm your kouhei, I guess. I can't really give you advice except…time is short. We can keep going, here, if you want - I can fuck your brains out without feeling a thing and make you relax for once, but I'm not who you want to be doing this with. You're an all or nothing guy, which is where we're different - but there are a lot of ways we're exactly the same, especially when it comes to being stubborn shits who can't see the light unless it's forced on us."

"Yasu-kun, don't get me wrong, I mean...I am attracted to -" Sho can't get the words out, because they're not naturally inclined to come from his mouth. He wishes they were, that he could screw Yasu like he was nothing, but he can't do that. He just can't, and his mind flashes to dark hair and a hundred years ago, to the boy he once was who loved another boy so much that it managed to tear them apart for no good reason except _we're Johnny's boys_. And it's that stubborness that Yasu sees in him that - that horrible, pinching bullheadedness - that stops him from doing anything but what he's Supposed To, because that would mean his emotions could win and the whole world might be taken away from him.

The band, his career - and Jun. Most importantly, it could take Jun from him, and if it means they spend their lives together, apart... _it's better to just let it be._

It's enough to make him cry, but he's not that type. Except maybe he is, and he closes his eyes together in a pinch that doesn't abate the overwhelming flood of noisy emotions that Yasu has apparently managed to break free of their quietly controlled restrains - all with the help of two glasses of whiskey, a blunt question that should have been asked long ago and a half-handjob. Sho has to laugh, because it's incredible how easy it was to unravel him, after all, despite all his efforts.

Yasu's watching him when Sho opens his eyes, an unreadable expression on his face. He puts his chin on Sho's chest and smiles. "You love him. I can see it in everything you do. You love him, and you love the others, but it's different with him."

"I do," and it's out before he can stop it, but it's almost like freedom. "I do. But he -"

"If you even say it, I'll punch your lights out. Because you know what ever you're about to say is a lie." 

Yasu's fridge clicks on, humming through the small apartment and adding to the quiet sounds of the street below. Sho swallows, and his fingers feel cold when he realises the inevitable is screaming towards him. 

_Finally._

"I have to do it, don't I. Talk. Tell? No, talk to him."

"Do you deserve to be happy?" Yasu doesn't wait for an answer, grabbing Sho's chin and looking at him squarely. "Then you're going to tell him. You're going to tell Jun, and you're going to wait for his answer, and you're going to go from there. Johnny be damned. The rest of your bandmates aren't blind idiots, they'll support you. They love you, and they want you to be happy. Because you deserve that. You both do. Right?"

"And if he…"

_Together, apart._

The rest of the question and the honest answer fall to silence between them, and Sho welcomes it when Yasu envelopes him in to a half-hug instead of voicing the fears they both know don't need to be said. He can't be as natural as Yasu - it's not his personality - but for once, he allows the moment to just be. _You can't control this_ , and it feels good. Scary, but good - not like the perpetual state of fear he seemed to be in the past fourteen years, but something that is like pure clarity - and he lets his shoulders release the tension he didn't know he'd been holding. 

"Geez. It's like a key being turned in a lock for the first time in forever," Yasu laughs, sitting up slightly to knead Sho's shoulders obnoxiously. "Do you not believe in massages or something, Sho-kun?"

"Is it normal for you to go from handjobs to teasing within ten minutes?"

Yasu shrugs. "Is it normal to live life having your image belong to a half-senile old man? Probably not, but here we are." He leans back into Sho, and laughs again. "We're abnormal, but we're allowed some happiness. And I'd be a horrible person if I watched someone about to lose theirs."

He has to ask, especially if he's going to continue being brave enough for the trip back to Tokyo tomorrow. "Why do you care, Yasu-kun?"

"It's Tuesday. As good a day as any."

It's the best answer Sho's probably going to get, considering the bizarre events of the night and from the way Yasu's brain seems to work, so he takes it. Except -

"My phone lock screen isn't the NewsZERO logo. I didn't drop my phone in the bathroom, did I?"

"I guess you're lucky the receptionist was waving it around yelling your name as I walked past, right?"

_Right._

"I wasn't even meant to be in Osaka."

"Actually, I think maybe you were."

 

\----


End file.
